Just came back from my 9 days Taiwan n HK trip plus 2 days Desaru.

The weather in TW n HK was cooling and the sights were beautiful. But the company was not so fantastic cos they totally displayed the selfishness of mankind.That's y i always hate to join grp tours cos i dun like to travel with strangers. Other than that, everything was fine. The rooms in TW are real spacious n the TV channels are fantastic! BUt i still like HK best cos everything is on sale, more than 50%! But cos i had done most of my shopping in aug this yr, so i did not really buy a lot of stuff this time round.

Will be leaving the country soon, next week, aft my gathering with my 04 batch. I think this is the best hols i have in so many years!

I have not tidied up my photo album yet. Will do so soon so that i can upload the sights of TW! :)

Merry Christmas everyone! :)

Kungfu Panda left Singapore today. Couldn't help but feel a tinge of helplessness and unwillingness to let go. It's hard, after all, he's my student and such a nice boy......

Having mixed feeling now cos just got to know my workload for next yr. It's a new position- acting subject head for performing arts. Yup. In charge of harmonising all the performing arts as well as promoting performing arts in our college. LIke what DP said, it is a blank page for me to draw on. I'm not sure if i can handle such a huge portfolio, just imagine, all the performing arts under ur wings, not only in terms of their achievements and progress, but academics and finance as well. It's like the portfolio of band magnified many times. I'm worried cos this yr, i have already been just surviving on buns n sandwiches for lunch for 99.9% of the yr cos the admin is really that much. Next yr?? I eat oxygen. Haha!!

I know it is a challenge but i'm worried that i would neglect the needs of band.I have requested for extra band teacher. Hope this time, i will get someone who can really lighten my load. I have many ideas in mind now, waiting to be penned down n put in place. But first i must do my research during the hols.

I'm not worried abt my teaching cos, firstly, my classes will be cut, secondly, i have already completed the materials for next yr. BUt DP said i must also work on the IP for my department. What it means i dun know but surely will mean more work.

I'm want everything to be perfect cos i'm a perfectionist. Omg! I just remembered, next yr march i have to start my preparation for the Esplanade concert! Oh god! How am i going to survive?

There are so many things to learn, so many things to worry about- i need to work on the june trip next yr too. The $$$ for purchase of accessories cos apparently Mr G wants to buy many many expensive stuff which the budget may not allow.Damn!I'm so stressed up now!!! Arrgh!!

I'm seriously unsure if i can do my job well and DP said next yr i have to attend leadership training courses. I know next yr i will have lesser time to myself. But i do hope whatever comes my way, it wun affect my running of the band cos i have stuff which i want to put in place, new stuff. It is a huge jump from teaching to leadership, way beyond my imagination.

Today, I was questioned wrt the fairness of life. We always teach our students “you reap what you sow”, if you work hard for it, you will achieve your goal. Apparently, life does not work this way all the time. Sometimes pple achieve things which they did not even work hard for. Is this what we call “fair”? Is this merely luck? I’m a conservative in my teachings wrt life. I choose to believe that luck wun always be smiling on one person. Like what I was taught since young. There is no such thing as a waste of time by learning beyond the curriculum, doing work beyond required cos what is acquired in the end belongs to you solely. That is what I believe in. Unfortunately, teenagers nowadays opt for the easy way out to achieve their goals. In the end, the foundation on which they build their life is unstable.

Life is full of ordeals. Though I’m not a Christian, I believe there is always a reason behind God’s plans. IT never benefits to dwell on the past, to think “If I had done this, …….” Life offers no “if”s. Life moves on. Had I chosen to dwell on how unfortunate I was a yr ago,my life was a total mess then, not to mention the rigor of preparing my students for SYF. God knows how hard it was then to put on a brave front and to carry on work as usual. Even students who knew what had happened thought it was scary, they were afraid I would break down. Somehow, I know I have to stand up again. Cos there are many pple who are worse off than me. The fond memories will keep me alive. Now, I have gotten over what had happened. I know that though life can be cruel sometimes, it does offer a 2nd chance. I choose to be optimistic cos I know I’m given the gift of life by my parents, I must treasure it.

There are times when I doubt my decision, but the doubts wun change anything. The past is something I can’t change but the future is something I can create. Life, is about having no regrets. Life is like a treasure hunt,hunting for things which we give thanks for. Give thanks for being born in a peaceful country, for the education received, for the friends by ur side, for the love bestowed. Most importantly, give thanks for being alive.

I’m at the crossroad again.

I was given the opportunity to move on in my career, to leave my current workplace and move on to greener pastures. It is a temptation, cos it is a new place where I can learn new things. There are just so many things out there for me to learn.

But I’m torn, not cos I dun want to leave my comfort zone but cos this came too abrupt. It was never in my plan, my future plan. I had planned for my “retirement concert” in 2010, planned for the Band trip in 2009. I had so much wanted to do the concert in 2010, it is my dream. Even if I die after that concert, I die with no regrets. But now, I’m not even sure if I can do it. N next yr is SYF, it is a period of rigor and I so wanted to be there to give my students the support they need, just like what I had done for their seniors—staying for late night practices, sewing the college crests and fallen buttons on the blazers……

On top of this, my CG will be JC2s next yr. I wanted to walk the journey with them, to spur them on for A levels, to share their joys and disappointments. 2009 is such an important yr n I dun even know if I will be around to do all these.

Of course, if I would to comfort myself, I can say I could still give my band the support by dropping on their wed or sat practices. But the feeling will be different, I will be then an outsider. The same applies for my CG.

I dun know what decision should I make. There is no right or wrong decision. How I wish next Monday will not come.

As the day approaches for the release of results,my heart got heavier and heavier. I can imagine and understand the disappointments that some pple are going to face, the loss of what to do, the destruction of their confidence. yet there seems to be no way in which i can help lessen this pain. This is the period of time when i really hate myself, cos of this inability.

It always hurts to see children suffering, esp when they are ur students, let it be those in the CG or CCA.

No matter what the outcome will be, pick yourself up from where u fall. It is going to be very difficult, n even reluctant for u to want to stand up again. But honour is given to those with courage, not those who lament how unfair fate is to them. I had fallen, and stayed in my comfort zone, forgetting that the fruits of labour only come to those who work for them. I stood up again, 3 yrs later, only to realise how much time had been wasted and would never come back.

The past is behind me now, and future is to be constructed. Give yourself a day to weep, but start the new journey fresh and confident. Let's walk this journey of hope together :)

Many things ran thru my mind today as I listened to my band practice Flower Power.

Dun know starting from when, the words “SAJC Concert Band”, let it be when they were spoken
or written as I signed off emails or documents, they are merely words. Words which I had
accepted them to be, with no emotional attachment.

When I started my career, these very words used to be associated with pride. Proud to be a
member of this group of musicians. Anyone in the earlier batches would tell u that I had
performed with them during Open House and Chinese New Year, playing the mallets for Glasnost
and When the Saints Go Marching In. It was a fantastic experience. Family.They may not be
fantastic musicians but they strove to be.

As the years went by, the pride n the passion did not die. Even though, yr in yr out, I was doing
the same monotonous stuff, I had never lost my passion. Till one day, it just disappeared. It
disappeared not cos of disappointments, but I just can’t find it.

I think I lost it on the day when to me ,SAJC Concert Band means sustaining the legacy of the past, holding it up, keeping it complete. It’s a huge burden. I no longer see these words as a batch by batch thing, but rather the whole picture. I lost the passion not cos it’s a burden, but cos pple who have the most direct influence on the survival of this band do not share my vision. I shared my vision, repeated it, but to no avail. I was alone, wondering helplessly. I struggled, lost my way, blamed myself for my incompetency and thought of the disappointment of their predecessors who had built this band from scratch to what it is today. Alumni came back to help cos they had good memories of their times in this band. What would happen if one day they realized it was not what they had always been so familiar with?

That yr, I lost my passion completely. It was also that yr, I learnt the hard truth. If u want to get things, do it yourself. Be grateful if help was offered along the way. I strengthened my character. But all this had changed me. I still share my vision, but I dun hold the hope of anyone believing in it like I do.

Today’s practice touched me deeply. Twins was the 1st piece which brought tears to my eyes, till one day, they could not play Twins like they used to. Flower Power was the 2nd piece that made me cry, not cos it was a touching piece but cos they made my belief come true. It was not an easy task to keep believing in pple unconditionally, faced disappointments, got up n believe again, repeating the cycle yr after yr. Things may have happened along our journey but I kept my faith. I told no one abt my expectations n faith but deep down, I believe they can achieve it one day.

Yes, maybe we will go back to square on again. I choose to believe, in a more optimistic sense, having been there, we will achieve it again. I had waited for 4 months since the Perth trip, what’s another few months? I hope this has re-ignited the passion in some members. Thank u for helping me recover my passion. “SAJC Concert Band” now means more than what it was to me. It symbolizes hope and one day, musicality. Of the Batch of 2008.

Free shoutbox @ ShoutMix