Random
just got the confirmation yesterday. i will be leaving in june next yr. when i looked at the letter, i thought i should be feeling happy. Yet, i was lost. i blanked out totally. then,i was overwhelmed by sadness. memories flooded me. yes, 7 yrs of emotional attachment is not something that can be let go overnight.
I felt like crying, though i dun know y. I even started to question myself, did i make the right choice from the start when i submit my application. But even it is the wrong choice, there is no turning back. Starting from yesterday, everything i do, it is for the last time--my last open house, last band trip, last tune-in, last band camp,last yr preparing students for A levels, last Civics Class,last band concert etc.
I made me wish time will move slowly, so that i can remember and cherish every moment. I only want to bring with me fond memories cos this is the place where spent 7 yrs of my life in, the place where i met wonderful students/pple, where i grow and learn.
Though everything is "last xxx", i'm glad i choose to leave in june cos at least i can be there to give out GCE A level certs to my Civcis Class in 2010,handing out my congratulations; to see my band on the stage of Esplanade Concert Hall (marvelling at how i have watched them grow from Sec School students to JC students, from JC students to Alumni.); to end my band journey with the 2009 batch.Only with these, i can leave with no regrets, knowing i have completed what i started out with.
I started my career with dreams and love. I hope to end it with my dreams fulfilled and love, completed.
2009/07/11
2009/06/01
The past one week, emotionally, had been draining. It was as if i was on a roller coaster ride.
initially,the news of e band in presentation night was something i was looking forward to. I know it was something the students, esp the JC2s were looking forward to. I believe they deserve to be on the stage, playing el cam, creating that performance. Happily i informed mr g. as usual, he was a wet blanket.but he said if they want to take part, let them.
on 26th may, when the news was announced, when i saw the happy faces, i felt elated. then,i was asked to withdraw them from pres night cos they dun deserve to be there. i sought advice, i believed the morale of the students would be badly affected if we withdrew. i believe we can at least try.
we had a msn conference. we pondered, measured the pros n cons n decided to take the risk. i know, deep in my heart, it was really a big risk.i'm not 100% sure we can pull it off but we have to try. i'm willing to face the consequences n take the blame but at least we tried.
went for the briefing.but the discussion of the withdrawal persisted.mr g came n gave his input. i was not there cos i needed to go n pay the deposit for band dinner. in e end, it was decided that it had to be a band's decision. we can't decide for them.
we had the meeting on fri. benji came n gave his input,so did P.we left it to the band to decide. maybe to some, it was not much of a decision.but at least, all sides were covered.it was a do or die.even till then,i had to convince myself, to play only el cam, we can do it. but an additional piece may have a toll on the band.i know how badly some of the jc2s wanted it,it was at that moment, i was not clear anymore.
i dun know if i am putting the future of the band at stake if i continue to insist that they go for pres night, or am doing it just to fulfill the dream of the jc2s?i dun know how to express that feeling. i was caught in between.
as i reflected on this incident,i realised n decided,i have lost my fight.against all odds, i told my leaders i would support their decision.even though mr g told P it was not possible for the band to be ready,when P asked me for my opinions, i told her it was possible. she was confused. even though mr s told me he would not be conducting the band when he had promised earlied on he would, i refused to believe i would lose this fight.i asked benji n later i found out that mr g asked benji not to conduct a band that is not ready.
i hated him, really.cos i feel that he is trying all ways n means to stop us from going on stage.that pissed me off. i refused to believe i would lose. i tried to tell P that we can do it n that the morale would be low if we withdraw.but he came n talked to her.she tried to convince me that we should not go.i was upset.
i told benji abt it.he was surprised how fast her stand changed.benji asked me to re-look at e prac dates n add on more prac cos it is not possible for us to perform given the little prac. i re-looked at everything again.i know they are giving the sensible advice, but i can't make them see how much the jc2s esp wanted to go for pres night.
after much deliberation,i know i must see this whole issue not emotionally but logically. they are right, certain conditions need to be present for things to happen, one of the most impt factor is the presence of time.
even though the issue had come to a close, i can't drive away the sense of apologies i have esp to the jc2s, n neither do i feel a sense of relief.
initially,the news of e band in presentation night was something i was looking forward to. I know it was something the students, esp the JC2s were looking forward to. I believe they deserve to be on the stage, playing el cam, creating that performance. Happily i informed mr g. as usual, he was a wet blanket.but he said if they want to take part, let them.
on 26th may, when the news was announced, when i saw the happy faces, i felt elated. then,i was asked to withdraw them from pres night cos they dun deserve to be there. i sought advice, i believed the morale of the students would be badly affected if we withdrew. i believe we can at least try.
we had a msn conference. we pondered, measured the pros n cons n decided to take the risk. i know, deep in my heart, it was really a big risk.i'm not 100% sure we can pull it off but we have to try. i'm willing to face the consequences n take the blame but at least we tried.
went for the briefing.but the discussion of the withdrawal persisted.mr g came n gave his input. i was not there cos i needed to go n pay the deposit for band dinner. in e end, it was decided that it had to be a band's decision. we can't decide for them.
we had the meeting on fri. benji came n gave his input,so did P.we left it to the band to decide. maybe to some, it was not much of a decision.but at least, all sides were covered.it was a do or die.even till then,i had to convince myself, to play only el cam, we can do it. but an additional piece may have a toll on the band.i know how badly some of the jc2s wanted it,it was at that moment, i was not clear anymore.
i dun know if i am putting the future of the band at stake if i continue to insist that they go for pres night, or am doing it just to fulfill the dream of the jc2s?i dun know how to express that feeling. i was caught in between.
as i reflected on this incident,i realised n decided,i have lost my fight.against all odds, i told my leaders i would support their decision.even though mr g told P it was not possible for the band to be ready,when P asked me for my opinions, i told her it was possible. she was confused. even though mr s told me he would not be conducting the band when he had promised earlied on he would, i refused to believe i would lose this fight.i asked benji n later i found out that mr g asked benji not to conduct a band that is not ready.
i hated him, really.cos i feel that he is trying all ways n means to stop us from going on stage.that pissed me off. i refused to believe i would lose. i tried to tell P that we can do it n that the morale would be low if we withdraw.but he came n talked to her.she tried to convince me that we should not go.i was upset.
i told benji abt it.he was surprised how fast her stand changed.benji asked me to re-look at e prac dates n add on more prac cos it is not possible for us to perform given the little prac. i re-looked at everything again.i know they are giving the sensible advice, but i can't make them see how much the jc2s esp wanted to go for pres night.
after much deliberation,i know i must see this whole issue not emotionally but logically. they are right, certain conditions need to be present for things to happen, one of the most impt factor is the presence of time.
even though the issue had come to a close, i can't drive away the sense of apologies i have esp to the jc2s, n neither do i feel a sense of relief.
2009/05/15
I wish you were here,right now. telling me what i should do or what i should choose.
you once told me not to give up what i love. But i realised you were about to give up what you love too, when you realised what you had been doing did not aid in your self-development.
if i do not give up what i love, my greatest fear is how long would this love last.
If passion can be lost and rekindled, what abt love?
if i choose to stay, would you also not give up what you love?
When you said you would be by my side,it only applies when u r not in any of your mood swings.BUt thanks for the times when u called to talk to me, or "forced" me to talk to you :)
Thanks for caring :)
But then again, would you not give up what u love?
you once told me not to give up what i love. But i realised you were about to give up what you love too, when you realised what you had been doing did not aid in your self-development.
if i do not give up what i love, my greatest fear is how long would this love last.
If passion can be lost and rekindled, what abt love?
if i choose to stay, would you also not give up what you love?
When you said you would be by my side,it only applies when u r not in any of your mood swings.BUt thanks for the times when u called to talk to me, or "forced" me to talk to you :)
Thanks for caring :)
But then again, would you not give up what u love?
2009/03/06
Quoted from HCI(College Section) Website:
1. HCI has once again done excellently at the 2008 GCE 'A' Level Exam. We set the new national record among JCs with 98.2% scoring Distinctions for Project Work. Also, we double the National Average for 2 years running, 1 in 3 students scored Distinctions in GP, with 97.8% pass. Again, we obtained 100% pass rates in 29 subjects, up from 24 last year.
OVERALL PERFORMANCE·
As with last year’s record-breaking performance,
7 out of 10 students scored at least 3 H2 Distinctions and above.
An impressive number of 174 students who attained 7 Distinctions and more, with 42 students scoring 8 Distinctions and 132 students scoring 7 Distinctions.
· 149 students scored at least one H3 distinction and better.
· Based on the expanded curriculum (11 Academic Units or better), the number of perfect scorers this year is 69.
INDIVIDUAL SUBJECT PERFORMANCE
More good news:· For H2 Biology, 8 out of 10 students attained distinctions.
H2 Mathematics, 8 out of 10 students attained distinctions.
· 8 out of 10 students scored distinctions for H2 Geography, more than double the national average.
Twice the national average for two years running, 1 in 3 students scored a Distinction for General Paper, with 97.8% passes.
· This batch has also set a national record for Project Work, with 98.2% scoring distinctions.· More than 3 times the national average, 7 out of 10 students scored distinctions for H2 Computing.
· 7 out of 10 students scored distinctions for H2 Chemistry.
· For 2 years running, 7 out of 10 students scored distinctions in H2 Art.
Congratulations!!2009/02/12
weeks flew without me knowing what i had actually been doing. Busy with what, i also dun know. Moving in and out of meetings, going home late, doing proposals. Everyday is the same cycle, meetings, meet students,do proposals, sleep. Damn tiring.
But i think it has become a routine. A thing that i have gotten used to, finally, this week.
It seems the work is never-ending.When u thought u have covered one aspect, then u realised u had neglected the other aspect. Arts Enrichment, Band, Civics, Academics, my Exams, i seriously dun know how to prioritise. Arts Enrichment is already such a huge bulky component, which encompass the whole school n Performing Arts, activities internally n externally,it's taking up 70% of my time. Other components, like Band, Civics, Academic n my own studies have to copy the 30%.
I have not met my own expectations. N that's bad
N now i only want to give thanks to the response for the sign up yesterday, the help rendered by Yuxuan for taking time off to come down n conduct the band as well as providing advice. Seriously, i think the band feels more secured with him ard. i truly appreciate all that he had done for them :) And this is my thanksgiving for feb :)
But i think it has become a routine. A thing that i have gotten used to, finally, this week.
It seems the work is never-ending.When u thought u have covered one aspect, then u realised u had neglected the other aspect. Arts Enrichment, Band, Civics, Academics, my Exams, i seriously dun know how to prioritise. Arts Enrichment is already such a huge bulky component, which encompass the whole school n Performing Arts, activities internally n externally,it's taking up 70% of my time. Other components, like Band, Civics, Academic n my own studies have to copy the 30%.
I have not met my own expectations. N that's bad
N now i only want to give thanks to the response for the sign up yesterday, the help rendered by Yuxuan for taking time off to come down n conduct the band as well as providing advice. Seriously, i think the band feels more secured with him ard. i truly appreciate all that he had done for them :) And this is my thanksgiving for feb :)
2009/02/02
I miss the band really terribly. I totally dislike what i'm doing now, i hate meetings, i hate all the stupid things i have to do.
I just want to go back to where i was last yr, to find the passion in e day-to-day things i do.
The only place where i find e peace n calmness i want is the bandroom. I'm so scared one day it would be taken away from me. THen i have nowhere to run to.
I would give anything to have my new portfolio taken away. Anything.
I just want to go back to where i was last yr, to find the passion in e day-to-day things i do.
The only place where i find e peace n calmness i want is the bandroom. I'm so scared one day it would be taken away from me. THen i have nowhere to run to.
I would give anything to have my new portfolio taken away. Anything.
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