The past one week, emotionally, had been draining. It was as if i was on a roller coaster ride.

initially,the news of e band in presentation night was something i was looking forward to. I know it was something the students, esp the JC2s were looking forward to. I believe they deserve to be on the stage, playing el cam, creating that performance. Happily i informed mr g. as usual, he was a wet blanket.but he said if they want to take part, let them.

on 26th may, when the news was announced, when i saw the happy faces, i felt elated. then,i was asked to withdraw them from pres night cos they dun deserve to be there. i sought advice, i believed the morale of the students would be badly affected if we withdrew. i believe we can at least try.

we had a msn conference. we pondered, measured the pros n cons n decided to take the risk. i know, deep in my heart, it was really a big risk.i'm not 100% sure we can pull it off but we have to try. i'm willing to face the consequences n take the blame but at least we tried.

went for the briefing.but the discussion of the withdrawal persisted.mr g came n gave his input. i was not there cos i needed to go n pay the deposit for band dinner. in e end, it was decided that it had to be a band's decision. we can't decide for them.

we had the meeting on fri. benji came n gave his input,so did P.we left it to the band to decide. maybe to some, it was not much of a decision.but at least, all sides were covered.it was a do or die.even till then,i had to convince myself, to play only el cam, we can do it. but an additional piece may have a toll on the band.i know how badly some of the jc2s wanted it,it was at that moment, i was not clear anymore.

i dun know if i am putting the future of the band at stake if i continue to insist that they go for pres night, or am doing it just to fulfill the dream of the jc2s?i dun know how to express that feeling. i was caught in between.

as i reflected on this incident,i realised n decided,i have lost my fight.against all odds, i told my leaders i would support their decision.even though mr g told P it was not possible for the band to be ready,when P asked me for my opinions, i told her it was possible. she was confused. even though mr s told me he would not be conducting the band when he had promised earlied on he would, i refused to believe i would lose this fight.i asked benji n later i found out that mr g asked benji not to conduct a band that is not ready.

i hated him, really.cos i feel that he is trying all ways n means to stop us from going on stage.that pissed me off. i refused to believe i would lose. i tried to tell P that we can do it n that the morale would be low if we withdraw.but he came n talked to her.she tried to convince me that we should not go.i was upset.

i told benji abt it.he was surprised how fast her stand changed.benji asked me to re-look at e prac dates n add on more prac cos it is not possible for us to perform given the little prac. i re-looked at everything again.i know they are giving the sensible advice, but i can't make them see how much the jc2s esp wanted to go for pres night.

after much deliberation,i know i must see this whole issue not emotionally but logically. they are right, certain conditions need to be present for things to happen, one of the most impt factor is the presence of time.

even though the issue had come to a close, i can't drive away the sense of apologies i have esp to the jc2s, n neither do i feel a sense of relief.