To many whom i had talked to, JC was not really a place which gave them fond memories, at least not in the aspect of academics. Cos there are so many to learn, so many to adapt to.I would say it is a place where it instills true discipline and not forgetting it is a gateway to Uni.

I had never liked my JC years cos it was all about studying. though competition into Uni was not so tough then, but to really qualify for Uni,it really needs a lot more. I know it is quite unusual for students not to go out for social gatherings, but do keep it to the minimum.

There is really no quick n easy way to success or good grades. The only way is to drill n practice. No matter how far behind u r in your studies, u must be determined to try n catch up with the work of the week. Things work on a weekly basis. Dun give excuses that will take time away from your studies.

I think JC is never meant to be an enjoyment.It is sheer hard work n at the end of the day, only then will we enjoy the freedom and fun Uni has to offer.

We need to move away from regurgitation and learn to think critically. Question any concepts or ideas cos it is only thru questioning that we learn.

take ur econs CT question as an example, when u were asked abt the px elasticity of SQ fares versus others. What were in ur mind then? Definition of px elasticity? How exclusive SQ is? The turnover rate of SQ planes? The services rendered n the journey to countries not offered by other high-end airlines? The consumers' aspect? The gap between the rich n the poor in our ctry vs other countries? All these play a part in ur answers. This is what JC is abt. Critical thinking n thinking from all perspective. GK as well.

The reason behind this is we need to train all of u or instill in u resilience, determination n will. If we need to break u before we can make u, we will have to do it. Mayb now u all may not understand y u r treated so harshly by some of us, but when u grow up n realise the true nature of society,u will know. In a workforce,ur actions can affect so many, ur thoughts can affect the next decision made. Tutors in Uni wun be too concerned with ur attendance, with ur homework,they wun be running after u to get ur work done cos the responsibility of learning is on u.

I'm not really sure if i have answered ur question. But no matter what, dun be discouraged. This is the beginning, n not the end. We still have the chance to correct our wrongs.

Yesterday was post Youth Day Hols. Went to Vivo for an early dinner. Walked past Page one and it was the only time when i seriously walked past it and never attempted to enter the shop. Cos i need to save $$ to go to the bookstores in HK for my shopping spree.

After dinner at the basement foodcourt, we went to Haagen Das for ICE-CREAM!!! I love their strawberry and summer berries n cream ice cream. So i tried the "Make your own sundae" with single scoops of my favourites each plus a crepe and maply syrup. Yummy!!!

Went to do market survey on my hp cos i can upgrade my hp on 29th July. Finally!! Must countdown. I want Nokia 6620, the purple one.It's so cool!! I need to sign up for the SMSMore plan cos i always overshot my sms limit.

Hmm, my weekend was spent watching TV. I missed the horror movie on fri night cos i was so tired aft oral exams that i fell asleep after the 10pm show. Watched LOTR dun know for the x no. of times, plus Ghost Whisperer and Incredible Tales(which i dun really think it's that incredible)

Had finished the lesson preparation for Term 3 and 4.Yeah!! So proud of myself. Was busied with that during the CT week. Decided to "catch" all my weaker kids and give them 1-to-1 consultation. Will be starting this thurs.

Was quite overwhelmed by all e plans Pringles n I discussed the other day:
1) Pacific Basin Music Fest
--- On e way. Got the estimated airfare today. Wld need to get the estimated cost from World Projects before i can submit my proposal
2) Esplanade Concert
---All fully booked in Mar n April next yr. Quite disappointed cos i really really wanted to have the "One Family, One Flag" concert again......

I think my greatest challenge now is the Music Fest cos i have never done it before,so i need to really plan out my admin schedule to see what i need to do. It is quite a long list. oh well, but at least i can learn something,i hope.

The next great challenge is academics of both my CG and band. I'm not too sure if the idea of meeting students with poor CT results once a week to go their study plan is useful but i hope it can act as a form of self-check and mayb a "form of stress" so that they would force themselves to study. What i am afraid of is i will have quite a handful of students and not enough time for them, cos i still need to factor in my H1 CL consultation time slots.

Oh well, will just have to try n work everything out. But i need to put the J2 as the top priority cos i owe them just that much, to monitor their academics. Oh shit, i still got to vet SGC!! Oh no, so many things to do!!! How????? Then aug still got the National Schools Songwriting Comp. Aiyo, i'm in the committee leh! I have not even distributed my Saints on Stage T-shirt to the various CCA groups!! Oh dear, this is a hectic term. :(

I was reading my diary yesterday. I was envious of the days I had yrs ago. I realized I missed my “brothers” a lot. They had always been by my side,whenever I needed a listening ear, company or support. But as the yrs passed by, we grew distant. Only yesterday, I realized how much I missed them.

I sms-ed my favourite brother and he called me. I did not tell him how much I miss him but his voice gave me the strength to look forward again. We love each other a lot and in e past, how matter how hectic our timetables in Uni were, we always had time for each other. He’s a proud person, but many a time, he would put aside his pride n give in to his sister-me J

There was once my student asked me, who do u turn to when u r angry, upset, when u need someone to listen to your woes? My answer was : my family. But I knew I only gave them good news n never bad ones cos it would bring undue worries. In conclusion, I have no one to share any of my emotions, cos I know everyone is so busy handling their own, waiting for others to listen to theirs, they really have no time for me. Yes, I listen to my own woes, I handle my own anger/sadness/fears.

Over the yrs, the question I heard pple asking the most is : Why me? This question pops up whenever we are given undesirable stuff or when we really have no time for other stuff. I like to ask this question too. Till one day, I came across this book and the author said: Dun ask questions when u know u can’t change it. Take it as an opportunity rather than a death sentence.

From then on, I stopped asking this question. For the past 6 yrs, I tried to teach my students not to ask this question cos life never or seldom gives us what we desire. Do a task well even if it is undesirable cos it is given to u, it is ur responsibility to accomplish it.

No one ever asked me what I want in life. Pple envy what I have in my career cos of the achievements of my CCA, the leadership position I’m given in the various committees. I am more than happy to give them what I have cos what I want is just to teach well, to have a normal/simple life. I’m not interested in leadership posts cos it has never been my ambition to be in one. I just hope to make a difference in my students’ life, to teach them how to be strong, disciplined.

I’m not a sage n I make mistakes. I’m more than willing to apologize and make amends. What really puzzles me is pple like to pass judgment and seldom seek verification. I experienced it this yr and I was really puzzled. I even questioned them y they never seek verification, the answer was no one dared to. I believe in the truth, and if it is within my means, I hope to get the truth. Despite what pple tell me, despite the judgment made, I wld take note of it but I would still want to know the truth from the horse’s mouth. If u want pple to open up to u, open up to them first. It’s never easy to get pple who are biased or prejudiced to open up, but I believe in sincerity. U can’t talk to a person with prejudice in ur tone. It’s not easy but it has to be done.

These are the things I have learnt over the yrs. I may not have mastered them but I’m trying. I feel the need to pen them down cos I want to know that over the yrs, I have not lost myself. I still believe in a simple and normal life which is somehow not within my reach. I was very touched when Joanna told me one day, ”As ur student, I just hope u would be happy. We have seen how stressed n unhappy u had been. Do something which would make you happy.” I really have no idea that I have not been a good actress in hiding my emotions. Many students, alumni, had expressed their support and encouragement over the yrs in whatever I do. N I appreciate that. Gabriel once told me, during the period of tension between the J2s and I, that he joined band to enjoy the process of music making. He did not want to comment on what had happened but he told me “Mam, I knew what u had done for this band and I really appreciate it.”
This recognition, these words, meant a lot to me and I would never forget them.

I know many students dun really understand me n it’s not really impt for them to understand. I only hope for their belief and trust, their faith, like the unconditional trust I have in them. I dun really understand my students as well, but the least I can do is to try n understand them n believe in their strengths.

It's great to be back!I missed my family lots!

Though i love being overseas once in a while to enjoy the freedom,i do miss them many many.

This trip had taught me things which i thought i had known all this while. Reminders i believe:

1)Comments are always made subjectively. Though we try to be objective,but somehow there are some elements of subjectivity in them. Like what my teacher said, nothing can be objective as long as it is made by human(So philo lah!)

2)Listen and love with an open mind, open heart. It's so difficult. Sometimes, i just feel that life is unfair and weird cos somehow my profession gives pple the illusion that we have to be prim n proper,to be correct in what we do. Failing to realise that we r human as well.We are entitled to our rights to have emotions.

I was reading some of the posts made by my dear students wrt the band trip. Some of them were happy,some were not. It sort of saddened me to know that not all enjoyed the trip. It may be naive to believe all would but after all the planning, at least i would hope most had.

there were of course happy moments during the trip, n unhappy ones. Towards the end, i chose to think of the happiness rather than e unhappy ones. It was also at that point in time that i suddenly realised,"Hmm, it's time." Time for me to say goodbye to this band(in general) which i had so loved. It holds great meaning and memories to me. For the past few years, i had always said i wanted to step down but was unable to do so cos i still love it a lot, and also cos i have not found anyone suitable to succeed me.

Now,the successor is still not available. But i realised,it is not possible to find one unless the person shares the same passion n love i have for this band.The willingness to put band before self. I want to say goodbye not cos of the batch cos i believe this batch has a long way to go, to achieve something great! But cos i can no longer trust my own judgement, my own ability to shoulder the responsibility of guiding the band/the council. The trip had made me realised this. It seems that i have lost the ability to make the correct decision. Or rather, i have lost my faith in myself, my belief.

My ex used to say that my level of determination n strength often surpass men. I have often refused to let people see the weaker side of me,my fear. I was brought up to believe in myself n learn to do things independently. But now, i have lost it.

I dun know if i can find them back during the hols. If i can't, i would have nothing left. If i can't, i really am in no position to guide e band. I dun want to destroy what i have fought to build up. The 5 yrs of fighting had worn me out but it had brought some improvements. I dun want 2 b the one to destroy it.

It's OVER!!The concert is finally OVER!! One down!!

Positive responses from the audience. Which is a good sign.

Maybe cos i had done too many concerts, maybe cos the night back in college did not end well, but was a bit immune to all.

Yes, i would miss the J2s,more of individuals than a batch. We had our fun times together. I wld still tear when i watched the movie they made esp for me while i was in China last yr cos i missed them a lot. Many had grown up over the one yr, matured. It's heartening to see them mature but sometime i miss the boyish-ness in them.

Many said i undermined the J2s n i dun wish to clarify any further. The Heavens can be e witness of my love for them. People i wld miss most: Caryl, Mish,Gabriel,Daryl,Joshua,Bean,
Joanna,Tau. Such caring n understanding people who were there when i was really really down.

I was proud of the J1s on sunday. Proud of the improvement and their co-operation.Keep it up!!

Till date, the concert i love most is still "One Family, One Flag" in 2006. My pride. Let's do it again in 2010!

Today's seminar was damn boring. Was not even paying attention. Ok, did not set a good example, but i also never scold anyone for talking or sleeping. That guy was not boring, just funny, with his weird laughter n all.

Sigh, Victorians only mah.School ranking still lose to HCJC. Ok,i'm a hopelessly proud Hwa Chongian who loves my JC so much!!Yeah!!

Anyway, i was discussing with teddy bear some band stuff, disturbing Raymond to get the Skittles, throwing empty food boxes at Lip Chiau(wow!my aiming damn good!)Yup, doing all sorts of weird stuff except paying attention. Class bonding ah!! Haha!!

Actually, was quite stressed lately.Concert coming,i kept checking n thinking to make sure i have done everything. I think i'm going crazy. I just want this concert 2 be perfect. So that the efforts put in by the students wun go down the drain.

Then i'm quite worried abt band trip,cos of the $$.

Then worried abt my students' academics,both CG n band.

i think i will go crazy one day. N when we had the meeting wrt DSA the other day,i was quite stressed cos like performing arts, i have the loudest voice(ok, that's the truth) n like the entire decision was on me. I mean the wrong choice can affect the DSA intake for performing arts man. It's challenging to be 2nd i/c but it's damn stressed as well, cos of the repercussion of decisions.

I think the class is getting quite bonded. Still playful, n restless. Aiyo, always so talkative. Haha!!So far,no complains!!! Good ah!!now marking is like crazy, madness.

Not enough sleep ah!!!i miss my pillow,my singing carebear.

i agreed with what DP said this morning,abt appreciation. I believe everyone needs to know that they are being appreciated. I guess i have never tell my class how much i appreciate them. It's such a wonderful feeling to feel their presence, to know that they will support u n all.

Haha, n know what? Someone just told me last week, face-to-face, that i had inspired him to be more efficient. Wow!!! I was so impressed as in i have never thought that his efficiency was a result of my inspiration. I have always believed he has the gift in him to excel. That's what i told him. But i'm glad i can inspire someone. Haha! Loud Hailer can also inspire :P So proud of myself! Haha!!

Sorry sorry ah! Have not blogged for a long time. Have not fully recovered from band camp yet. I think the gossip session on the last night which lasted till 4am took the toll on me. Sigh, old already, cannot do without sleep. Have not been fully well lately,hope i wun fall sick.

I got a pleasant surprise from my CG last fri. As i was sorting out the compositions they submitted, i came upon an orange card. I was like "omg! they submitted someone's birthday card!!" Then upon closer look, i realized the card is for me!! haha!! For someone who can't draw, i really admire the talent my students have, drawing the figures on the card.

Hmm, there is a sentence i dun really understand in the card. Then i think, n think till my head nearly crack, then i finally understand. Haha!!

Soooo sweet really of the class to give me a hand-made card to cheer me up! It really makes my day,nearly cried again. I have always believed nothing is more valuable than anything hand-made. It may not be pettite or elegant but it holds many efforts n thoughts. I still remember the days when i planted pots of flowers for my CG during the J2 farewell assembly. Went to Cold storage to buy the soil, the seeds and then to Ikea to get the class bottles. They cost quite a lot. It was time consuming filling 24 bottles with soil and seeds, tying ribbons and writing their names on the bottles. But it was fulfilling.

Thank u so much, my dears of 08S05 for all the care and concern u have shown and given me! Thanks for giving me the motivation to come to school each day, to feel the sense of pride when i see all of u, of course not forgetting the moments of high blood pressure!

Hmm, sidetrack a bit, can u all dun talk during scripture readings? Must respect the speaker n the religion. I'm so afraid one day my eyes will pop out cos i glare too much at those who keep talking. (ok,it's a lame joke,u can laugh now)